im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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