Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
