I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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