i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
