I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
