If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
