They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
