I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
