I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
