I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize