do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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