Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
