I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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