i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize