She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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