What a fucking waste of an outfit
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
