yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Your dad touched me again.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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