I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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