Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
