Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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