i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize