and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
