he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
