I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
