Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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