i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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