obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
