great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Who died my cat blue again?
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