I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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