meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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