I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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