so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
