bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
