Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The air was thick with penises
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
