3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We left the knife in your bed.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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