i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
