I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
We smell like vodka and hangover
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
