you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
