Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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