i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
