How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
