I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I want a musical about memes.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
