so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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