i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
