Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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