I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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