so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
