i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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