so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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