the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
