Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
