you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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