I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize