If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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