Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
