She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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