Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
