so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
