who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
