I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
