Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
