Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
