I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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