Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
