oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
