We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
no more duck duck goose at the bar
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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