Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize