his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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