You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
