I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
