Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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