First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
sex in a hospital.. check
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
