Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
