he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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