I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
