Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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