his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
