I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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