yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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