im about as happy as oj after his trial
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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