So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
