I didn't shave. On purpose
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
