I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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