Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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