Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
