one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Randomize
