i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
