Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The adults are the big ones right?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
