It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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