we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
