I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
