If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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