She is in my trunk
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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