Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
