I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
