Screwed.edu
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
