Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
