i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
