dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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