i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
