The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
