I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
