don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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