Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
