remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
