omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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