dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Randomize
