So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
